Last time I ever wrote “Hello world!” I was 17 and learning to code HTML. I was also naive, ignorant, cocky and scared. Scared sh*tless of the world out there. Now nine years later, I have stowed the rose-coloured glasses away, shed this suit by “Suffisant,” but still scared sh*tless of the world out there. Growing up is very difficult; I think anyone of you can attest to that. Going through a marriage separation that you do not want to happen is even tougher. Not tough as nails or galvanized steel, tough like “I got my heart ripped out, cut up, blended smooth, and handed back.” Meanwhile, the bartender is smiling all the way. Yeah, Life is Tough.

Since this is my first posting and I have so much pent up emotion and what I called post-divorce induced artistic creativity… I’m going to make this first entry protracted. Bear with me, in the coming weeks they won’t be as painful to read.

It’s unbelievable what it feels like to attain a dream that you’ve had for as long as time. Euphoria is the word that is most often use and comes to my mind but it still fails to capture all of the feelings that I felt when I met and married the girl of my dreams. Seven months later, euphoria becomes trauma and I don’t think I can make it to the ER in time. What does a person do now when the dream they have attained is broken? My world use to revolve around “H.” Now, the center of my universe does not exist and there’s no more gravitational pull to keep me in orbit. I’m hurling into the deep unknown reaches of space and all I feel is darkness, emptiness, uncertainty, and a lot of sadness. Yes, I’m scared sh*tless of the World again.

Like our first date she came and left in the rain
Hollow emptiness, a coat of damp sorrow
The warmth disappears as
Two red eyes vanish into the night
The sound of mechanical purring
Fades into the distance
Silence becomes my best friend