I’ve been neglecting this blog ever since I signed up for Facebook. When one has only 24 hours a day, and the majority of it is devoted to work, self-sustenance, chores, homework, and other trivialities, it’s hard to sit down at the computer and write a meaningful entry. Well, at least an attempt at a meaningful entry as I like this blog to be a gateway for others to see my inner self. As tormented, elated, and confused as it is sometimes.

So why am I writing an entry tonight while I have piles of work sitting beside me waiting for my attention and neurons to send off coherent signals in plethora of extracellular matrix, and ions? (Pardon my attempt at a geeky pun). Mainly because this blog is still my main form of self-exploration and self-reflection. Furthermore, this blog is still somewhat private and I can keep my anonymity; something I can’t do on Facebook.

Where am I currently? Well for starters we have not done the paperwork needed to file for a divorce. She hasn’t contact me and I haven’t contact her. I’m not going to go out of my way to get the paperwork organized and register for a court date since this wasn’t my idea.

“You want this to happen, so why don’t you organize and contact me when you want it done. I’ll gladly sign the papers then.”

When I think of her, it still hurts sometimes. I’m not sure why it is… some say that it takes about half the time that you were together to get over the other person. I’m starting to think that this is true. But really, can we be truly, completely over someone who we have devoted so much of our emotions, soul, trust, and love? I think not… she will always be a part of who I am because our experiences together and she as a person had a great (and still has to a lesser extent) impact on the person I am today. Even though I have changed (the amount is totally subjective and debatable depending on who you ask) from the person she left behind, these changes are still instigated by her action and decision. Maybe this is the wrong way to look at it… if you can enlighten me, please advise and open my eyes.

I have not met anyone in the last couple of months. After a binge of random encounters/dating I realize that this wasn’t the right way to go about finding a meaningful relationship. Or maybe because my expectations of the “Next One” has reached unrealistic heights. I still like to meet new people and make new friendships though. Shouldn’t these things happen serendipitously? Or is that the helpless romantic way of looking at things? I don’t have the answer for that question but I know that I am not actively pursuing anything with anyone that comes across as intriguing or attractive. I have also terminated my Lavalife account since the end of January. Plus, most girls at my age are looking for a stable guy with a career, someone they can settle down with and start a family. I cannot offer either one of these two at this moment. I want to go back to school when I’m done my current degree and I’m in no hurry to settle down after what has transpired last year. So where does that leave me? In a sticky predicament… “Stuck between a rock and a hard place.” So I figure to best leave my personal life alone, take care of my schooling and my relationship with friends and family… to enjoy life and try to be happy. Which I am most of the time now. Thank goodness.

I would like to end this entry by saying all the positive things which has transpired over the last year:
-I’ve become more active
-Taken up soccer and cycling
-Became independent and matured
-Improved my cooking skills!
-Have a clearer direction in my career
-Enjoying the freedom
-Made lots of new friends
-Improved my communication and social skills

So I guess it hasn’t been all gloom and doom. I’m hoping for even more better changes this year.

From the “Ultimate Canuck Search” contest.

Not much has changed in my life recently. I go to work, come home or visit my parents, go to sleep, repeat. That said, I can’t believe it’s almost been a year since “H” packed her things and drove off into the night, leaving me with a broken promise, a broken heart, and broken dreams. I may come across sounding very bitter and upset but I am not as upset as I sound. I am doing well for the most part and the past year has really taught me what are the most valuable things in life: mainly family, good health, and good friends.

On the subject of friends, I’ve recently become addicted to Facebook. I’ve spent on average three hours each day perusing and “writing on people’s wall.” I’ve come to learn that Facebook is mainly a “young-un’s thing” (people in their teens and early twenties) where they keep in touch with their friends, classmates, family, etc. It is also a place to share pics, join interest groups and plan parties. To really capture the essence of this phenomenon, I suggest one should take it for a spin and experience it for oneself. Who knows, maybe you’ll end up like me and spending an hour or two snooping on your friends and seeing what they’re up to.

This past Tuesday I attended a Canucks game where they hosted the Minnesota Wild. I was able to go because my cousin Ed bought four tickets back in November of last year. So Ed, Eric, Steve and I headed down in great excitement, hoping it would be a good game. It started off pretty well with the ‘Nucks grabbing a early 2-0 lead but like the ‘Nucks of old, they slowly squandered their lead and eventually lost in overtime. I was quite disappointed with the result but I really enjoyed the atmosphere and the cheering, because I can only afford to go once a year to relish in the electricity of attending a game live. I heard that Eric and Ed are 0-3 at the games this year… maybe they should consider staying away from GM place… Funny thing, around this time last year Caylib and Kathy also took me to a Canucks game. It was also, strangely, against the Minnesota Wild but we won that game 2-1 I think. Strange, n’est pas?

An update on my personal life: yes, I’m still single. I decided that I am not pursuing a relationship with the wonderful girl I met at the wedding. I went out with her a few times and really enjoyed spending time with her but all of the initial feelings that I had for her just evaporated. I’m not sure what happened; I guess that I’m apprehensive of falling in love again because I’m not sure that I can survive another heartbreak so soon. This is a very likely scenario considering that she is leaving for Toronto come June. So if I became too emotionally attached, it would be another painful period and I’m just not ready or wanting that anytime soon. In the meanwhile, I guess I’ll just continue to make-do with out a relationship (but if you guys know me, that’s pretty tough thing for me to do) and enjoy my bachelorhood.

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Black Cyborg Your Superpower is Spiritual Your Weakness is Body odors Your Weapon is Your Foam Blowgun Your Mode of Transportation is Portal

What’s your Superhero Name?

No, she is not my girlfriend. Though I would be ecstatic if she is.

Some of the most beautiful oriental girls are not ONLY from places like Japan and Korea, and most people do not even think of Mainland China for drop-dead, gorgeous girls. When people think of the Mainland, I guess they think of farmers. Time to alter the stereotype, because if you think about it… a country with a population of over one billion people will surely produce a few beauties, no? Enter article number 1: Yang Mi, the heiress to Zhang Ziyi’s throne. Mimi is just out of this world beautiful and cute; not to mention totally personable, nice and down-to-earth.

Dare to dream, dare to dream…

All the way north – Yi Lu Xiang Bei (Jay Chou)

One of my favorite Jay Chou songs… (from the closing theme of Initial D):

一路向北 | Yi Lu Xiang Bei | Always Head Towards the North Other Translations: The Road Towards the North, Always North

曲:周杰倫 Qu : Zhou Jie Lun Music: Jay Chou 詞:方文山 Ci: Fang Wen Shan Lyrics : Vincent Fang Translation : sesamestreet – www.jay-chou.net 後視鏡裏的世界 越來越遠的道別 hou shi jing li de shi jie yue lai yue yuan de dao bie The world from the rear view mirror becomes further and further away as if saying goodbye 你轉身向背 側臉還是很美 ni zhuan shen xiang bei che lian hai shi hen mei You turn around but your side profile is still very beautiful 我用眼光去追 竟聽見你的淚 wo yong yan guang qu zui jing ting jian ni de lei I use my eyes to pursue you, yet I hear your tears 在車窗外面排徊 是我錯失的機會 zai che chuang wai mian pai hui shi wo cuo shi de ji hui Outside the car window is my missed opportunity 你站的方位 跟我中間隔著淚 ni zhan de fang wei gen wo zhong jian ge zhe lei Your position and mine is separated by tears 街景一直在後退 你的崩潰在窗外零碎 jie jing yi zhi zai hou tui ni de beng kui zai chuang wai ling sui The street views are continuously receding, you start to fragment outside the window *Chorus 我一路向北 離開有你的季節 wo yi lu xiang bei li kai you ni de ji jie I head towards the north to leave the season which describes you 你說你好累 已無法再愛上誰 ni shuo ni hao lei yi wu fa zai ai shang shui You said you were already tired and cannot fall in love with anybody again 風在山路吹 過往的畫面全都是我不對 feng zai shan lu chui guo wang de hua mian quan dou shi wo bu dui The wind is blowing on the mountain road, all of our previous memories were my wrongdoings 細數慚愧 我傷你幾回 xi su can kui wo shang ni ji hui Counting my shamefulness, I have hurt you too many instances 我一路向北 離開有你的季節 wo yi lu xiang bei li kai you ni de ji jie I head towards the north to leave the season which describes you 方向盤周圍 回轉著我的後悔 fang xiang pan zhou wei hui zhuan zhe wo de hou hui Around the steering wheel rotates my feelings of regret 我加速超越 卻甩不掉緊緊跟隨的傷悲 wo jia sui chao yue que shuai bu diao jing jing gen shui de shang bei I accelerate to escape the lingering sadness 細數慚愧 我傷你幾回 xi shu can kui wo shang ni ji hui Counting my shamefulness, I have hurt you too many instances 停止狼狽 就讓錯純粹 ting zhi lang bei jiu rang cuo chun cui Stop the anguish by letting my wrongdoings

You know it’s a party when bras are flying off and people are trash talking each other over immunity challenges. This is just what happened at Eric’s sweet 26th Birthday this past Saturday. Honestly, I showed up to have some food, relax, play some Wii, and some poker. Survivor was never on my mind because let’s face it folks, I’m not a cut-throat, backstabbing, wheeling-and-dealing kind of person. But how can you refuse when you’re asked so kindly by the people who organized it. Trust me, a lot of organization went into this themed-party as witnessed by a “bonfire,” tiki torches, bandannas, Survivor music, tribal councils, team and individual challenges, and the immunity idol. It took me a whole five minutes to get into the game and boy did I wanted to win, or at least make the individual challenges. I didn’t want to win the $100 for myself but rather win it for Eric because it only seemed like the right thing to do… well, minus my $6 buy-in that is. But alas, I was voted off Doman Island as our Team Sugoi was forced to vote off three members at the same time (mainly to speed up the elimination process as we were out in the cold for two hours at that point). In the end, the final two came down to Josh and Clare from Team Butternick Pattern and then the Tribal Council spoke… the final vote being split equally so Josh went home with 25 bucks (25 for his cousin Eric) and Clare walked away with 50 bucks.

Next year… Amazing Race across the Lower Mainland. I just can’t wait. Who wants to be my partner?!

Single.

That’s the way… uh-huh, uh-huh… I like it…. uh-huh, uh-huh.

I had dinner, a walk, and coffee with “I” this past Friday night. I rushed home after work, showered, dressed, beautified and picked out a couple yellow roses from Safeway on the way to her house. Thanks Poh for the flower suggestion. I arrived at her house ON TIME, acted like a gentleman that I am (haha!) and got out of the car to open the car door for her. She thanked me for the flowers… I might have tried a little too hard with that one. Oh well… I drove us steadily and never 10 kms over the speed limit, chatting the whole time.

After circling around downtown for 20 minutes, we found parking. We had dinner at Hapa. I have to say… haven’t been to Hapa in over 4 months… the quality and taste of the food really went down hill. I actually felt bad taking her there. But she said that she enjoyed the food. When it came to pay… she grabbed the bill and insisted that she get it. Wow… unbelievable. I’ve never been treated like this on a second date. Is she a keeper? I don’t know yet…

We briefly walked around downtown in the light rain and stopped at a Blenz for coffee and another long conversation. Twelve thirty rolled around and it was time to call it a night. Drove her home and dropped her off. Waited until she went into the house and another 60 or so seconds (did you guys know that this is standard protocol?!) before driving myself home.

I haven’t had this much fun in ages… she’s such a sweet and kind girl. I hope this friendship grows into something more. We’ll see.